[When Merlin's finally pried away from spending a whole week on looking at dragons in one way or another, he somehow gets roped into what he always does when Dorian is involved: shopping for clothes. Every time Dorian heckles him into buying new clothes he just doesn't wear them, and he's failed to wear them again today, as they're out doing the same hopeless thing once again.
Merlin, naturally, isn't paying attention. There are so many things here different from Olympia, so much more—interesting, almost, resonating with him in a different way than yet another city built around a castle can. He's very distracted.
Distracted especially by seeing a familiar face. It's odd to see an Olympian merchant trying to hock wares here in Wyver, but Merlin supposes anyone can claim to be a refugee if they try hard enough. He interrupts whatever Dorian is saying now to elbow him in the side, then point.]
And if you just tried it on once you would find that it brings out your eyes--
[Once again, Dorian's attempts to get Merlin out of his rags have been all for naught. He lowers the scarf he just bought minutes ago, lips pursed in annoyance. Whatever it is, he's not indulging this impossible boy.
But oh, does that merchant change things. The frown quickly turns to a wide grin, and he slows to a stop.]
And he's upgraded from rocks to shinier rocks. How delightful! Should we pay him a visit, or perhaps be more stealthy this time?
Well, one of us would approach stealthily, while the other dons a clever disguise to distract while his back is turned. Like so.
[There's use for this scarf Merlin will never wear after this, after all. Dorian raises it as a warning, then promptly starts wrapping it around Merlin's head to obscure his face without waiting for a reaction. Clearly, this is the perfect plan.]
Can you do another voice? Something less... I don't know, you? Something gruff!
[Merlin spends about all of this process protesting and trying to lean away from the scarf being wrapped around his head, for the record. This is terrible? Jesus. When Dorian is finally satisfied, Merlin immediately yanks it down away from his face so he can speak.
So that was a fun waste of time.]
I can do you one better than that. [He looks around, for... an abandoned alley... thankfully there are plenty of those in any given fantasy city, so-] Hold on a minute.
[And with that he darts off between two buildings without any explanation. It's not as good without his usual Old Man Garb (a plain red robe, he tries), but he'll use the scarf as a makeshift... shawl thing, which he's arranging around his shoulders in the most finnicky way possible when he comes back. Or rather, slowly limps back, because he's an actual 80 year old man now. There it is, folks: the fucking beard.
The clothing Dorian hates is the only thing left here that identifies him as the same plucky boy who ran off a second ago. It's so good. Look at him.]
Here, what do you think? The scarf really sells it in my opinion.
Okay, Mr. Dragon Talker. We're alone and here's a big great dragon. So go on, prove it. Prove you can do it, because I don't think you can.
[Oh yes. It was the next day after the Full Moon and after all the dragons had been penned up again in all sorts of fun and comical threads. And it had put Richard in mind of this particular punk. So he and Tad Cooper had come to watch it all play out, even though he practically had to drag Merlin by the arm to the pens to do so. That stupid pointless thing Merlin was doing before? It was over. This was what was happening now.]
[Thank goodness Merlin doesn't do anything useful with his time except sit around and feel the good vibes of Magic Dragon Town, but rest assured, he protests all the way down to the pens. In the past few days he's been dragged around, thrown, pushed into lakes—he doesn't deserve this treatment!!]
Why should I prove anything to you? For maybe the hundredth time, let go of me!
Because you're all talk, Merlin! All talk. And it's time you either prove it or so help me, this whole thing is going to erupt into a musical number and you don't want that.
[And with his increased power of musical numbers, there's no way Merlin could escape it!]
[He makes sure to make a big show of straightening out his shirt after being dragged all the way here, then looks over at the dragon in the closest pen. Here's the thing... these dragons are too bestial to communicate properly, something he learned with Great Disappointment just the other day. But he supposes he can do his usual thing and lie his way out of anything.]
Just stay over there, alright? I can't let them out, so you'll just have to be satisfied with this.
[With Merlin marching over to the dragon and starting in with his bad Greek that it shames me to link, to which the dragon does respond, turning to him with lizard-brain curiosity. He's asking it quite literally to roll over, a feat he accomplishes by adding an extra hint of magic that makes the dust on the dragon's scales sooo itchy... it has to flop down gracelessly and roll back and forth.
A dragon. Rolling over. Here they are, witnessing this.]
[Wow, that sure is a lot of shouting in another language. Richard watches Merlin passively, his eyes twitching from the so-called wizard to the unruly dragon. Unfortunately he completely misses the grand event when the dragon does roll over, because Tad Cooper completely randomly and coincidentally rolls off Richard's shoulder. He panics and quickly swoops down to catch his scaly friend.]
Wow, now that was close. [He turns around and sees the dragon back on its feet again, staring quizzically at Merlin.] Sorry, did you do the thing yet?
[He doesn't have time to babysit you, Richard!! He's still like, squatting here by the dragon pen, but as he turns to frown at Richard his gaze flicks to Tad Cooper. Now, he's pretty sure that little guy is just a lizard, but the literal man claiming to have dragon blood responded to his, uh, dragon commands... so.
He does the bad Greek thing again, this time politely requesting Tad Cooper come over here and sit on his shoulder instead. Ignore that the big dragon just pushes its face between the bars of its pen instead of doing anything more interesting.]
Well I couldn't very well just ignore Tad Cooper and- hey!
[Tad Cooper is normally a pretty sedate guy who just likes to hang out, sunbathe, and leave little doo doos on your shoulder, but he can be a little active critter when he wants to be. In this instance, that means pretty quickly leaping out of Richard's hand and crawling along the ground up to Merlin's leg and climbing his way up. Not only does he make it onto Merlin's shoulder, but he doesn't even leave a doo doo.
Richard watches it all and keeps his feelings carefully concealed. After all, he knows exactly what this means. Oho ho ho.]
Well, isn't that completely random and coincidental.
[Maybe he's been a lizardlord all this time?! He's keeping Tad Cooper, again, although this time he doesn't bolt out of the area. Just going to chill here, completely ordinary lizard sitting on his vastly superior shoulder.]
Trouble? Hardly. That only means either you're both real or you're both fakes. I wonder which it is...
[And Richard, while reluctant, is perfectly willing to live in a world where this Merlin is actually Merlin. Because that also means someone else has to admit that Tad Cooper is a real life actual dragon.]
I knew it. I knew it. Tad Cooper is going to be such an amazing dragon. Way better than these cretins here. [He glances askance at the caged dragon.] Ah, no offense fellows.
Well— [He glances again at the dragon in the pen, which is still just trying to bump him with its snout despite all odds. Well... yeah, that sure is a low bar that's been set.]
They probably don't understand... and they're not very talkative. I don't know why they don't speak.
[But this is like the bare minimum standard, so if Tad Cooper can't talk one day, he better at least be Super Huge.]
[He looks pointedly at Tad Cooper, feeling a bit of a well of... disappointment? He feels like maybe Tad has been holding out on him all this time. Was he really just the strong and silent type?]
It's just, you'd think there'd be more dragons around if they talked, you know? Like, here's this knight going to slay the dragon and it says, "oh hello, let's stop and talk this out, eh?" Sort of, do away with the whole knight-dragon animosity business entirely.
[Granted, Richard doesn't even know where all the dragons went where he's from. They've just been conspicuously absent.]
Speaking as a former tyrant, I'm pretty much a hundred percent sure I wouldn't go sending my knights to kill a dragon if it asked me not to. I'd have to be pretty evil if I did.
[And he was always more clueless tyrant than evil tyrant, but the point stands.]
You're not very good at a great many things, but at least not being good at killing dragons is the right thing to do. Good work not slaughtering a whole species, then.
["You suck, but not as much as you could" - Merlin 2k17]
A little bit of both. [His grudging approval, if only because dragons were actually murdered in Camelot... This is the only way to get praise for not doing a horrible thing.]
[Ah, is that his cue to make a run for it? It would be, if they hadn't had that questionably decent moment just now. So here, he'll coax the little guy off his shoulder and hold him out, very generously.
Sort of generously.]
I don't get in everyone's way. Usually just yours.
And you're so good with paperwork, of course. [lol.... anyway besides that great grift he pulled,] I've never been arrested, so I don't know what you're talking about.
[Fortunately kings weren't subject to being arrested for loitering within their own kingdoms, otherwise Richard would have been arrested long before he was actually arrested.]
[And smug about it. Technically, it's not leave to do whatever he wants to push Richard's buttons without consequence, but he's gotten away with it so far...]
Maybe I should thank you for not having any kingly privilege around here. It's been helpful in not getting put in the stocks.
[He doesn't get thanked nearly enough, so hey. He's gonna take it. If him not being king is doing some good, then maybe he'll keep doing this not being a king thing long term.]
In any case, I feel like we've learned a lot about one another. So I'm going to go off and do something important, while you can do... well, whatever it is that you do.
dorian
Merlin, naturally, isn't paying attention. There are so many things here different from Olympia, so much more—interesting, almost, resonating with him in a different way than yet another city built around a castle can. He's very distracted.
Distracted especially by seeing a familiar face. It's odd to see an Olympian merchant trying to hock wares here in Wyver, but Merlin supposes anyone can claim to be a refugee if they try hard enough. He interrupts whatever Dorian is saying now to elbow him in the side, then point.]
Look, it's our old friend.
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[Once again, Dorian's attempts to get Merlin out of his rags have been all for naught. He lowers the scarf he just bought minutes ago, lips pursed in annoyance. Whatever it is, he's not indulging this impossible boy.
But oh, does that merchant change things. The frown quickly turns to a wide grin, and he slows to a stop.]
And he's upgraded from rocks to shinier rocks. How delightful! Should we pay him a visit, or perhaps be more stealthy this time?
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Stealthy? How does one stealthily approach a street vendor, exactly?
[Like, Merlin's M.O. is just to stomp up and shout, but tell him more about this concept of subtlety...]
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[There's use for this scarf Merlin will never wear after this, after all. Dorian raises it as a warning, then promptly starts wrapping it around Merlin's head to obscure his face without waiting for a reaction. Clearly, this is the perfect plan.]
Can you do another voice? Something less... I don't know, you? Something gruff!
warning: cursed
So that was a fun waste of time.]
I can do you one better than that. [He looks around, for... an abandoned alley... thankfully there are plenty of those in any given fantasy city, so-] Hold on a minute.
[And with that he darts off between two buildings without any explanation. It's not as good without his usual Old Man Garb (a plain red robe, he tries), but he'll use the scarf as a makeshift... shawl thing, which he's arranging around his shoulders in the most finnicky way possible when he comes back. Or rather, slowly limps back, because he's an actual 80 year old man now. There it is, folks: the fucking beard.
The clothing Dorian hates is the only thing left here that identifies him as the same plucky boy who ran off a second ago. It's so good. Look at him.]
Here, what do you think? The scarf really sells it in my opinion.
here there be dragons
[Oh yes. It was the next day after the Full Moon and after all the dragons had been penned up again in all sorts of fun and comical threads. And it had put Richard in mind of this particular punk. So he and Tad Cooper had come to watch it all play out, even though he practically had to drag Merlin by the arm to the pens to do so. That stupid pointless thing Merlin was doing before? It was over. This was what was happening now.]
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Why should I prove anything to you? For maybe the hundredth time, let go of me!
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[And with his increased power of musical numbers, there's no way Merlin could escape it!]
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[He's going to wind up doing this, but he also wants to simulate self-respect. So let go of him.]
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Alright, alright. You don't need to keep whining about it. There you are.
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[He makes sure to make a big show of straightening out his shirt after being dragged all the way here, then looks over at the dragon in the closest pen. Here's the thing... these dragons are too bestial to communicate properly, something he learned with Great Disappointment just the other day. But he supposes he can do his usual thing and lie his way out of anything.]
Just stay over there, alright? I can't let them out, so you'll just have to be satisfied with this.
[With Merlin marching over to the dragon and starting in with his bad Greek that it shames me to link, to which the dragon does respond, turning to him with lizard-brain curiosity. He's asking it quite literally to roll over, a feat he accomplishes by adding an extra hint of magic that makes the dust on the dragon's scales sooo itchy... it has to flop down gracelessly and roll back and forth.
A dragon. Rolling over. Here they are, witnessing this.]
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Wow, now that was close. [He turns around and sees the dragon back on its feet again, staring quizzically at Merlin.] Sorry, did you do the thing yet?
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[He doesn't have time to babysit you, Richard!! He's still like, squatting here by the dragon pen, but as he turns to frown at Richard his gaze flicks to Tad Cooper. Now, he's pretty sure that little guy is just a lizard, but the literal man claiming to have dragon blood responded to his, uh, dragon commands... so.
He does the bad Greek thing again, this time politely requesting Tad Cooper come over here and sit on his shoulder instead. Ignore that the big dragon just pushes its face between the bars of its pen instead of doing anything more interesting.]
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[Tad Cooper is normally a pretty sedate guy who just likes to hang out, sunbathe, and leave little doo doos on your shoulder, but he can be a little active critter when he wants to be. In this instance, that means pretty quickly leaping out of Richard's hand and crawling along the ground up to Merlin's leg and climbing his way up. Not only does he make it onto Merlin's shoulder, but he doesn't even leave a doo doo.
Richard watches it all and keeps his feelings carefully concealed. After all, he knows exactly what this means. Oho ho ho.]
Well, isn't that completely random and coincidental.
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[Maybe he's been a lizardlord all this time?! He's keeping Tad Cooper, again, although this time he doesn't bolt out of the area. Just going to chill here, completely ordinary lizard sitting on his vastly superior shoulder.]
Trouble in paradise?
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[And Richard, while reluctant, is perfectly willing to live in a world where this Merlin is actually Merlin. Because that also means someone else has to admit that Tad Cooper is a real life actual dragon.]
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Lizards are... dragons' distant cousins. Certainly.
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[See he can do this too.]
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Are you really going to stop pretending I'm someone else if I say your lizard might be a very small dragon?
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[It's a win. And the kind of boost to Tad's self confidence that will really push him to reach full dragon size!]
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Well, he still doesn't have wings unlike every very small dragon I've ever seen. [One,] But fine. I suppose there's potential.
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They probably don't understand... and they're not very talkative. I don't know why they don't speak.
[But this is like the bare minimum standard, so if Tad Cooper can't talk one day, he better at least be Super Huge.]
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[He looks pointedly at Tad Cooper, feeling a bit of a well of... disappointment? He feels like maybe Tad has been holding out on him all this time. Was he really just the strong and silent type?]
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[Maybe Tad is a stoic... without wings... or maybe he's just a lizard!! Who can say.]
Be patient?
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[Granted, Richard doesn't even know where all the dragons went where he's from. They've just been conspicuously absent.]
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[Murder, Richard. He's talking about dragon murder. Please get this.]
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[And he was always more clueless tyrant than evil tyrant, but the point stands.]
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["You suck, but not as much as you could" - Merlin 2k17]
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[It feels like a win to him? Yeah. It's a win. He didn't wipe out an entire race of talking reptiles. Yet.]
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Don't get too used to it.
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[It's a moment. They're having a moment. The moment just happened. And now it's over.]
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Right. Thanks, I'll remember that next time you drag me around making demands.
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[Richard stares at the dragon at the cage. Then at Merlin. Then at Tad Cooper. Hrm.]
I'll ahh, need Tad Cooper back.
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Sort of generously.]
I don't get in everyone's way. Usually just yours.
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I'm fairly sure I've read reports about you being in other people's way.
[A factual statement that doesn't acknowledge the small detail that it was Richard who wrote those reports.]
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Hmm. That's odd, you know? It's just, you have a face that just looks like the sort that would be arrested a lot.
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That's strange, because I haven't done anything.
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[Fortunately kings weren't subject to being arrested for loitering within their own kingdoms, otherwise Richard would have been arrested long before he was actually arrested.]
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[He graciously does not give a double thumbs up, but the sentiment is somehow in his tone anyway. Gotcha!!]
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[Why be a king if you can't be a tyrant about it, right?]
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[Which... he's not sure if there is a lesser crime than loitering. But if there was, then Merlin would have definitely broken it.]
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[And smug about it. Technically, it's not leave to do whatever he wants to push Richard's buttons without consequence, but he's gotten away with it so far...]
Maybe I should thank you for not having any kingly privilege around here. It's been helpful in not getting put in the stocks.
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[He doesn't get thanked nearly enough, so hey. He's gonna take it. If him not being king is doing some good, then maybe he'll keep doing this not being a king thing long term.]
In any case, I feel like we've learned a lot about one another. So I'm going to go off and do something important, while you can do... well, whatever it is that you do.