nysalogs | May Catchall

_{[It's not the first time Diva's snuck her way into Atsushi's room at night and it won't be the last. That said tonight is different from most when she quietly opens the window from the outside and crawls through the opening. Her head is spinning as her feet hit the floor and she makes her way over to Atsushi's bed. Whether or not it's occupied doesn't matter to her - she's beside herself and the small comfort of even bedding that smells familiar is enough right now.

For the time being her face is tear free, but she doesn't look happy at all. If anything she looks haunted, eyes pink from the crying she'd done earlier. Maybe she should have warned Atsushi earlier that she was going to take over his bed but he had never cared before. Besides, it wasn't as if she had many places she could go. Bothering JJ over something like this and having him see her in such a state felt wrong and Reign? She didn't want to cause him any trouble when he was already in a precarious spot thanks to her. And what of Keaton? He was too far away. So Atsushi it was, for better or worse.]}

Edited 2018-06-13 13:34 (UTC)

[Atsushi would claim to have appreciated a warning, but honestly? He doesn't mind his friends dropping in, day or night. Diva has always been more forward about that than most, and Atsushi -... Well... Why would he make a fuss over it? Diva is the way she is, and he doesn't want her to change anyway.

Most days, he sleeps well enough (ignoring the nightmares), but he's always been a super early sleeper, and chances are that he's already close to his usual wake-up time, when Diva enters his room. He's not aware of having heard any noises, but from one moment to the next he's woken up, calm but alert. Rolling over, he pushes himself up and looks around - and then he finally realizes that he's not alone.]

Diva-chan..?

[In the dark of (very) early morning, he's not aware of noticing her mood or even the state of her eyes, but something about her sadness still gets through to him, making him feel oddly cautious.]

_{[Her face is currently sunken into one of the pillows on his bed, hair splayed about. Atsushi's shifting is registered, as is the sound of him calling her name, but she doesn't respond immediately. Her reaction is delayed but she eventually rolls over to look up at him from her spot on the mattress.]}

I don't feel good.

[Oh, no... She looks so sad! Atsushi may be struggling to get his brain as awake as his body, but he sits up a little more earnestly, taking a deep breath as if that will get his thoughts going again.]

What's wrong?

My body is broken.

_{[It's the simplest way of putting it, even though on the outside Diva looks like she always does.]}

The Natha made it so I can never have a baby.

"Broken"...?

[He's concerned, of course, but he also doesn't see any injuries on her that he could heal. Then she keeps talking, and -... Oh. Now he gets it. She did mention something about making babies that one time. Atsushi somehow never got the memo about everyone being rendered sterile, though.]

They did what?!

I don't know how they did it, but they did something to all of us. Now none of us can have babies!

_{[Which wouldn't be such an issue if Diva wasn't basing a good chunk of her self worth off the ability to produce a child for Solomon. She feels her eyes begin to water again as she sits up to meet Atsushi's gaze better, distressed.]}

What use am I if I can't do something every other girl can?!

Edited 2018-06-13 15:30 (UTC)

[That's... a huge deal. Atsushi has never thought about having children, of course - he's still young, and he's just now starting to get his life in order - but even for him, knowing that he'll never be able to is a shock. How much worse must it be for Diva, who's planned on having a baby for so long?]

I'm sorry.... I'm really sorry.

[Not really knowing how to make it better - he can't, can he? - he hugs her, just because... that's what they usually end up doing in bed, isn't it? With most people and in most situations, it would feel like a terrible crossing of personal boundaries, but here and with Diva, it's not like that at all.]

_{[She's not exactly expecting him to hug her all of a sudden, let alone apologize for her own short comings, but he does and instinctively Diva's face finds the crook of his neck as she clings to him. It isn't fair, but since when has life been fair? It never has.]}

I don't know what to do...what if Solomon gets rid of me? What if he doesn't want me? What if no one wants me?

He wouldn't! Who'd get rid of you over something like that?

[... Well... okay, some people might. Because people are often not very nice. But it's still not a good reason!]

It's not your fault.

[He's not very good at the hugging thing, except to hold the other person with a little more strength than is probably necessary in his desperation, but he does hold her at least, and then, by some impulse (or maybe because her position reminds him of Daifuku's favorite spot when Atsushi used to carry the cub around?) he starts rubbing her back a little.]

_{[It really isn't her fault and it's something out of her grasp, but that doesn't make her feel any less responsible for her sudden biological shortcomings.

The rubbing against her back has her pressing her face even harder against him, tears leaving Atsushi's neck damp.]}

But I'm broken and I can't fix it...I bet you wouldn't even want me!

[He hates this. If it was just himself, he'd never even blame the Natha, but now? How could they do something like that to Diva?! It's not fair, and Atsushi can't stand how much it hurts him, too.]

Of course I would! Anyone would be lucky to have you, no matter what.

_{[Anyone would be lucky, huh? She certainly doesn't feel that way. There's an inhale and exhale as Diva rubs her face against the front of Atsushi's shirt. When she pulls back to look at him it would be hard to think of her as dangerous with how vulnerable she looks.]}

...do you want me then?

_{[Of course 'want' can mean many things but in Diva's mind, right now, there's only one thing she's referring to.]}

If you do you can have me Atsushi. I don't care.

[Maybe she's born with it; maybe it's... the snot she wiped on his shirt. But she definitely does look terribly vulnerable - as if he wasn't feeling sorry for her already.]

...

[Of course he wants her. He wants her as a friend; he wants her to be safe, and happy, and a great many other things. Maybe he wants more than that, too, but that doesn't mean it's easy to come out and say it - and, honestly? He's not sure it's okay to get it like this.]

Of course... I want you. But not for a reason like this.

[He reaches up to cup her cheek, very carefully, almost reverently.]

Not just because you "don't care".

_{[She lets him cup her cheek, the tips of her fangs peaking out over her pouting lip. Of course he wants her...but is it really that simple of an answer? If not because she's offering (and desperate) then why? What prompts the of course? What supports the certainty of such an answer?]}

Then why? What reason do you have then?

Because you're you.

[What other reason could he have?]

You're pretty, and sweet, and I think you've been hurt more than anyone deserves to be.

Even so, you shouldn't throw yourself away.

[At him, especially - but for once it's not a sentiment against himself so much as it is for her.]

Not because you don't care. It should be because you do care.

[Which is kind of a lot for him to ask - he really isn't sure he can expect her to genuinely care - but anything less would feel like taking advantage. He couldn't do that.]

But I'm not throwing myself away...not if it's you, right?

_{[At least she doesn't see it as throwing herself away. Her gaze shies away, trailing off to fixate on the wet marks she'd left on his shirt.]}

You always say such nice things to me, you know that? Not many people do.

Then not many people are treating you very fairly.

[He really shouldn't talk her into a victim complex like this, least of all when it can only create more hate in her down the line, but he's only just awake, and his heart aches for her, so much. Still touching her face, he wipes away her tears with his thumb.]

You're a wonderful person, and you've never stopped trying to be even better than you are.

[Sorta kinda. It's complicated - but he really does think that she's progressed, even in the short person he's known her. Maybe he's a little biased, but he still doesn't think he's wrong.]

Any man should be happy to have you, Diva-chan.

_{[It's true that Diva's experienced a lot of unfairness in her life over the years that a few months of being in a completely foreign environment can only undo so much. She doesn't have much of a victim complex, thankfully, if she had she would have never survived and come so far but it would be wrong to say she's without hate. Right now there are a lot of things she doesn't like about herself, and this inability to do something so innately normal and natural only furthers the schism she feels between what she is and others she meets. It's not so much a hatred for what she is, more so a hatred for the fact a difference exists in the first place.

Any man should be happy...was that so? Was that really the case? She's had men begging at her feet before, head over heels and swooning, but she doubts it's because they wanted her - it was her immortality and genetics they lusted after as far as she can tell.]}

Then why aren't you happy to have me?

_{[There's a hint of frustration in her voice as she shifts on the mattress.]}

Do you know how many men would kill to be in your position right now?

I would rather that they didn't.

[No killing, please. He says it with a gentle smile, though, not quite chiding. It's obvious that she's upset; it makes sense that she'd act out a little.]

I'm really happy to have you! As a friend, and... maybe as more than that...

[Quick, what's a polite word for "fuckbuddies"? But no, that's not really what he means, either, though the reality of it is close enough.]

But I don't want you to do these things just because you're upset. That's not... the kind of feeling I think people should have, for this.

[Not that he's an expert, but he still doesn't want to feel like he's taking advantage.]

... Do you want to sleep here?

_{[To her credit she could've acted out much worse. Part of her had been contemplating going to the Red Light district and finding some unfortunate soul to devour but she'd made her way here instead. The desire for comfort seemed to outweigh her stomach for once.

As a friend and maybe more...but what did he even mean by that? Diva can barely navigate the various facets of friendship let alone something more...but that's not the important part.

She feels...rejected, but putting up more of a fuss wouldn't help her get her way. It's not like she even knows what she really wants anyway. All she wants is to stop feeling so terrible.

He gets a small nod in reply to his offer. It's not like she's going to go back to an empty house or worse, one with Solomon in it right now.]}

Mm...

[He appreciates that she didn't do a lot worse - and that's another sign of how she's grown, isn't it? Emotions are (almost) always valid; it's how you deal with them that counts.

It's plain to see that her sleeping over isn't some magical fix-all, but it's all that Atsushi can in good conscience do just this moment: simply being there for her, in body and spirit ~~if not in dick~~. He puts an arm around her, trying to reassure her that he's here, and that he will never leave her, let alone over something like this.

He couldn't say when he's gotten so happy about sharing a bed with someone, but it's warm and comfortable and he'll nuzzle close in his sleep. For all that he meant to reassure her that she's not alone, he's sure reassuring himself at the same time.

He may or may not also develop some morning wood. It's a total coincidence, he promises!!]

Edited 2018-06-15 19:41 (UTC)

_{[It's easy enough to just let Atsushi embrace her and be done with it as she finds herself laying down, cuddled into his chest. It doesn't take her long to fall asleep either. She's tired, emotionally and physically, and soon enough she's drooling, breath even as she rests. Over the course of the night it doesn't take much for the two of them to become tangled up in one another, limbs weaved together haphazardly. It's only when Diva finds herself trying to roll over in her sleep that she catches her hair under her own shoulder, the action tugging enough on her scalp that she wakes up.

Groggily she finds herself staring at Atsushi's still sleeping face in the dim light of dawn breaking. Up slides a hand, finger extended so she can boop him gently on the nose. She's not trying to wake him up, but she does feel fidgety, chest still heavy from last night.]}

[Atsushi is used to nightmares, but somehow sharing a bed with someone tends to keep them at bay. (Funny how that works.) In spite of having slept already, he's deep asleep in no time at all, cuddled up against and around Diva through the night.

When something touches his nose, his eyelids twitch and he sorta kinda makes a face, but it's not enough to wake him.]

Hng...

_{[It's a cute face, and he gives her a pretty good reaction...but it's not enough. There's another poke, as she shifts closer to him, thigh brushing up between his legs. It's warm like this and she doesn't particularly want to move, but she does want a response of some sort.]}

ATSUSHI - NSFW

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